i was reading the newspaper and read the news about the boy paying 20 cents for 20 items during a charity sale. moreover, he demanded a 10 cents change.

i felt a little numb at first.
then i told her that i was there and i paid 2 bucks for some decorative item.
then she replied " aiyah, why u pay so much? they say u can pay 20 cents then just follow instructions lah! "
then i decided i shouldn't talk at all so it would be better that i shut up before i get struck by lightning.
it's not that i don't want to communicate. but i guess i felt a little of disgust. maybe some anger. and maybe just a pinch of disgrace and shame. i had no idea how to carry on the conversation.

I'm thinking on how to type this entry with tact and respect.

in me, i feel like crying. tell her straight that i hate such people. but i can't. i really do but i can't. of all people to say such words, she had to be the one. maybe any other people would think that it's of no big deal. somehow i just cannot accept it.

compassion or acheivement?

who in this world whose words carry weight, heavy enough to decide which one is more important in life?
God wouldn't because he can't possibly come down right now.
not George Bush.
not Queen Elizabeth too.

everybody tells me that i have to decide it myself.
and it seems that God is giving me only 2 choices. nothing in between.
i'm not like my capt who can balance work, play and passion at the same time.

so i've decided.

but why is it i still have to answer to them when i get lousy grades?
why is it that no one lectures me when i refuse to donate to the blind uncle?
and why do i get contradicted by her when all i wanted was to be reasonable by donating 2 bucks?

doesn't she feel ashamed that there are some people out there taking advantage of charity, or feel proud that i'm conscious of the world that i live in?

this classmate of mine forged a signature in order to get 30 more cip hours.
and he's a straight As student.

but hey.
his parents would surely be proud of him for his achievement.
sadly, his dishonesty will always be kept in the dark.

if only it was vice versa. maybe the world would be a much better place to live in.